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Jokes
#1
Top Ten Ways to Tell the Difference
Between The Crow and a Mime
#10 If it's beating someone up, it's the
Crow. If someone's beating it up, it's a mime.
#9 People want to give mimes the bird. The
Crow already has one.
#8 Poke it in the eye with a stick. If it
says "ouch," it's the Crow.
#7 Mimes are French, and the Crow never
surrenders!
#6 To become a Crow, you must experience
great pain and suffering. To watch a mime, you
will experience great
pain and suffering.
#5 No one thinks it's cool when a mime
comes back from the dead.
#4 Mimes can't stand up to multiple gunshot
wounds. (We tried.)
#3 Only some people can accept the Crow's
need to kill his tormentors. Everyone understands the need to kill mimes.
#2 The Crow kills bad people. All a mime
kills is a good day in New York City.
#1 If Brandon Lee had played a mime, he'd
be alive today and it'd be his career that'd need the reviving.
#2
The Creation of Mimes&127;
By Tim Adams
Once upon a time there was a man from
California. He lived in a little shack and was the make-up artist for a show
on national television. He was happy for five years until no one watched
Pee-Wee's Playhouse anymore. That meant he was out of a job. Although he was
well known through out the artistry world and looked far and wide for a job,
he could not find one.
Very discouraged, he was forced on the
street with only his packet of make-up and some old tights. With only this
he set out on the streets of the big city. He traveled and tried to sell his
make-up, but he could make no money, so one day he got a cup and set out on
the street. As he sat there a couple of people walked by and dropped some
coins in. He was a smart man and decided to try and see what would happen if
he tried to get more money.
So he put on his white make-up and danced
around in front of the cup. This brought lots of money into his little cup
of fame and so he decided to take it a step further. He put on his make-up
that day and went out on his street corner and started singing like he had
never sung before. He sung every song he had ever heard in his entire life.
And he bombed out. Not one single penny fell into his cup, except for the
guy who gave him a nickel to shut up.
Well, he though, if they don't want to hear
me, then I can express myself in other ways. So he started to mimic people
and call himself Mime, which in ancient Hindu means he who gets his lights
punched out. So even today, mimes are the most annoying things in the world
without saying a thing.
Moral: If you are happy and getting enough cash, keep your big mouth shut!!!
#3
Some things that are nearly as annoying as
mimes, but not quite:
- Circus clowns
- Festering, pustulating blisters
- Car alarms
- Any song by Paula Abdul
- Traffic along the New Jersey Turnpike,
exits 12 through 15 inclusive
- Impatient Drive-Up window clerks who
somehow think their time serving you is actually their own
leisure time
- People who whistle tunelessly and at
random
- Morning DJs at any station that uses the
word 'Zoo' to describe their show
- A shotgun wound to the head
- Hearing someone breathing (either as a
whistling noise from their nose or as an open-mouthed weazing)
- People who need everything that's
happening in movies explained to them as it happens although the
plot is still unfolding (Why did he do that? What's that? Who's behind
the door? Is he gonna kill him?)
- Recording artists who change their names
into stupid symbols that don't mean anything
- David Eddings books since they tell the
same God damned story over and over and over
- People who seem to use their cellular
phones just to show you the fact that they have a cellular phone (Honey?
I'm calling from the ball park! Yes! The Orioles just... what? I can't
hear you! Honey?)
- Backpacks with business suits or vice
versa
- People who treat their pets like
children, especially if they put clothes on
Media
Mime
after Mime
Click on the title above
for a cute animation based on the Cindy Lauper song, Time after Time.
This will take you to the Atom Films site.
Scenes From A Mall
(movie)
Woody Allen and Bette
Midler
(Mime gets pushed into
fountain)
Shakes The Clown
(movie)
Bob Cat Goldwaith
Robin Williams
(Mimes get beat up in park
by clowns)
Bugs Life
(animated movie)
David Foley Kevin
Spacey
(Flick is harassed by a
centipede mime on the street)
Goofy Movie
(animated movie)
Goofy is in the city
watching a street mime pull on an imaginary rope.
He cuts the rope and a real
piano falls on the mime.
Father's Day
(movie)
(Billy Crystal & Robin
Williams)
Two men who have never met
are looking for their son. While driving Williams reveals that
he is an avante guarde artist. Crystal says he hopes it's not a mime
because he hates mimes. He sees one and just wants to smack them. Near
the end of the film they are looking for their son who has been taken by
drug dealers and Crystal is harassed by a mime. Williams has to hold
him back from beating up the mime.
C.S.I.
Episode (Television)
Clown found dead in bad
part of town. Has big fight with mime at kid's birthday party.
Wife has a thing for clowns and they are caught in bed by husband.
Husband kills clown and dumps body.
Famous guys who have
studied mime.
Jessica Lange
Loraine Newman
Geoffrey Rush
David Bowie
Steven Berkoff
Jackie Chan
Jeanne Beker
Bill Kirchenbauer
Jude Law
Julie Taymor
Kate Bush
Sir Alec Guinness
Lily Tomlin
Gates McFadden
If you know of others then let me know.
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